Playlet : The King and the subject

By Nwokedi Nwokedi

CHARACTERS

King

Subject

The scene opens with the king sitting on his throne, his legs placed on the back of the subject who is bent before him.

A variety of food and assorted brands of drinks are litered on a table placed beside him. The King is dressed in green white green attire while the subject is dressed in green, red and black attire with spots of yellow.

The king is enjoying himself with the food and drinks while the subject is starving in pain.

SUBJECT

Your Highness, this is not fair; how can you be eating alone while I am suffering and starving?

KING

(Takes a bit from a chicken lap that he is holding, and then drinks from a glass of champagne before him) You see your problem, impatience! Impatience!! Impatience!!! I told you that this land will be better and you are here talking about suffering and starving (licks his tongue) listen, this land must be better (takes another bite from the chicken lap).

SUBJECT

(Tries to raise his head but the King pushes him down with his legs) But your highness we, the subjects, have been having patience since this land was created.

KING

More patience! More patience!! (drains the champagne in the cup, and opens bottle of beer with his teeth and begins to drink from the bottle) This land must be better.

SUBJECT

Your highness for how long shall we wait…

KING

You see, the king before me spoilt the land, desecrated and pillaged the land, so it will take me time to repair and consecrate the land. This land must be better. Patience! Patience!! Patience!!!(Takes a swig from the bottle of beer)

SUBJECT

Can I, at least, have some food to eat while I am being patient?

KING

This is the problem with you: my subjects, always thinking about now and not about tomorrow. I have told you that this land will be better and you need patience (drinks) patience is the food you need now. Remember that the test of fire makes fine steel.

SUBJECT

But Your Excellency, you are eating real food. Why are you not having patience?

KING

I need to eat to nourish and strengthen my body spiritually and physically for the task of nation building. You, my dear subject, need patience, patience and prayer.

SUBJECT

But now can I pray on an empty stomach…?

KING

I will tell you, (Takes another swig and drowns the remaining content of the beer. He quickly opens a bottle of whisky and a plate of steaming goat pepper soup, takes a spoonful of it) You see, research and experience has proven beyond reasonable doubt that prayer made on an empty stomach is very effective, speedy and is very sure to get to God. So pray, pray on an empty stomach. This land will be better. (Pours a whisky for himself and begin to drink) Hmmm, great whisky…. Leave me to concentrate and think about the never ending problems of the land. (Scoops a spoonful of the pepper soup and continues to talk while chewing). But this land must be better.

SUBJECT

Your Highness, if you cannot give me food, can I, at least, have my salary so that I can take care of my family?

KING

Have you not heard about the economic meltdown? Do you not know that the price of palm oil and groundnut oil have fallen drastically and, so, our land is no longer making money? Patience, my brother! Patience!

SUBJECT

But you are eating and drinking…

KING

Because I need the strength; I need to be strong. Do you know the energy that I lose on basis just thinking about the problems of this land. I travel around the world looking for solutions to the many problems of this land. But you, on the other hand, have nothing to think about, because I am thinking for you. My brother, we cannot all enjoy at the same time. Let your king enjoy, so that you will enjoy tomorrow when this land has become better. After all, Jesus Christ said it in the good book that the poor must always be amongst you. Did he not say it? (Takes another spoonful of pepper soup).

SUBJECT

He said it, but your numerous travels have not yielded anything so far.

KING

Patience! Patience!! Patience!!! (Takes a swig of whisky) my foreign friends have made promises, I am sure that they will fulfill them and then this land become better (Scoots a spoonful of the pepper soup into his mouth) this land will be better… it will be better.

SUBJECT

But one the kings in one of the lands you visited said that we are fantastic and beautiful thieves. How do you think that they will help us?

KING

Are we not thieves?

SUBJECT

Including you?

KING

Shut up!

SUBJECT

Sorry sir.

KING

Better… (Drains the last drops of whisky in the cup and pours in another one) What that stupid king said is a stupid truth, uttered in a stupid manner.

SUBJECT

Did you tell him what you just said?

KING

Why should I? Do you want our land to lose out from the largesse he promised us? Do you want him not to return the money stolen by the former kings of our land which they kept in his land? (Drains the whisky in one gulp)

SUBJECT

Your Highness, please, give me something to eat; I am dying.

KING

No ooo… you are not dying… You are merely going through a life-saving transformational and transfigurational change and it is good for your health and longevity. My dear subject this land will be better.

SUBJECT

I am dying…!!!

KING

You are changing…!!!(Sips the whisky and chews some meat) what you are feeling now is change, life giving change (Scoops a spoonful of meat into his mouth) Change!! Change!! Change!!!

SUBJECT

Your Highness, this land is dying.

KING

No, my subject; this land is experiencing change. There must be a cross before a crown is given (Opens a bottle of beer and begin to drink straight from the bottle).

SUBJECT

My lord, you need to do something to save this land, because the people are very angry; they will soon rise against you.

KING

(Laughs hoarsely) No…. No…. No…. they will not rise; they do not have the capability to rise against me… (Gulps some beer) they cannot rise against me.

SUBJECT

Why….?

KING

Because they are divided, I have successfully divided them against themselves. (Picks a chicken lap and begins to chew greedily). People are living in confusion. A good king creates division amongst his people so that they will not rise against him.

SUBJECT

What do you mean, sir?

KING

Feed some, starve some, and the job of division is perfectly done. Hahahahaha (Chews the remaining part of the chicken and drowns some more beer) This land will and must be better. (Opens a bottle of champagne fills his glass and drowns it in one gulp).

SUBJECT

How long do you think you can keep up with this deception?

KING

It is not called deception.

SUBJECT

What is it called?

KING

Superior art of politics and leadership (Guffaws). This land must be better. (Pours another glass of champagne and begins to drink). 

SUBJECT

Sir, I am very thirsty; can I have water to drink?

KING

Yes… yes… of course, but that will be after I have deregulated and liberalized water distribution and consumption, then you will drink as much as you want.

SUBJECT

Please, sir, I am…

KING

Shhh… be patient so that this land will be better.

SUBJECT

But you are already enjoying yourself drinking and eating, while the deregulation and liberalisation have not taken place.

KING

(Hits him on the head with the chicken lap) Because I need the strength of food and drink to think and solve your problems.

SUBJECT

(Begins to grumble faintly) Your Highness, I don’t know what you are saying, I am hungry ooo,  I am hungry ooo.

KING

(Chewing the meat) What did you say?

SUBJECT

(Shouting)I am hungry!!!

KING

Patience! Patience!! (Drinks from the bottle of beer)

SUBJECT

(A bit louder) I am hungry!!

KING

Pray! Pray! Pray for your leaders and be patient (Drinks the whole pepper soup from the plate and beings to smack his lips).

SUBJECT

I am hungry ooo!! Oga, I am dying ooo!!!

KING

Patience… I honestly understand your suffering, I also understand the colours and shape of your hunger, but you must have patience, maximum patience.

SUBJECT

(Shouting) Your Highness, give me food; give me water; I am hungry; I am thirsty.

KING

Patience… You will eat, but be patient and be prayerful. Pray for your leaders as the holy book instructs you to always do. Pray for your leaders (Opens another bottle of champagne and begins to hurriedly drink straight from the bottle) Patience! Patience!! Patience!!!

SUBJECT

(Suddenly summons all the energy and anger in him and rises up to the shock and surprise of the king) Your highness enough is enough…

KING

Did you just shout on me? Who gave you the temerity and the effrontery to stand up? Who gave you the authority and audacity to stop being patient?

SUBJECT

(Angrily kicks at the table) Your Highness, do you know that there is a time for a man’s cup of patience to be empty; there is also a time for that same cup of patience to be half; there is another time for that same particular cup of patience to be full and, finally, there is a time for that specific cup to be over filled and, then, it begins to spill and run over. Your Highness, my cup of patience is overfilled and it is spilling and running over. Your Highness, I will no longer have patience while you eat alone (He begins to furiously scoop meat from the pepper soup into his mouth).

KING

What… What are you doing? Have you gone mad?

SUBJECT

According to Esiaba Irobi, the late cerebral playwright, who lived in exile in Nigeria till he died, “there is madness in all of us” (Opens a bottle of champagne and begins to drink straight from the bottle).

KING

This is preposterous, this is sheer thievery

SUBJECT

There is a thief in all of us (Greedily grabs a chicken lap and begins to hungrily chew it, then opens a plate of jollof rice and begins to eat from it).

KING

Oh no! This cannot be, I must be dreaming, my special chicken and jollof rice imported from Kentucky, my French and Italian exotic champagne, No… No… I must be dreaming.

SUBJECT

Keep on dreaming, sir.

KING

(Greatly enraged, grabs the subject and begins to push him away from the food and wines). Get out, get out, you incurable idiot, everlasting pig, get out (He is stopped in his tracks by an angry voices coming in from outside. The voices are singing a song).

All we are saying

No more patience

All we are saying

No more patience

KING

(Releases the subject) What is that? Who are those people singing?

SUBJECTS

Your subjects… My fellow subjects (Continues to drink the champagne nonchalantly)

KING

(The song gets louder and nearer) My subjects? What do they want?

SUBJECT

Their share (The song reaches crescendo)

KING

Their share? How?  No, no, this is not possible. I told them to be patient (The song comes up again).Patience! (He begins to run away) Patience!! Patience!!! (The song continues to go higher and higher while the king runs away shouting patience! Patience!! Patience!!!)

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