Fresh hurdles for parents

•As world marks Global Day of Parents, mothers, others speak of new challenges they face raising kids

By Olajumoke Ayobami Dorcas

As the world evolves, so does child rearing, which has been changing with every passing decade. Some parents are compelled to deal with new challenges that are entirely different from what their own parents experienced while bringing them up.
This reality is part of confessions some parents have made, as the world marks the World Global Day of Parents, which holds every June 1.
This special day was proclaimed by the United Nations General Assembly in 2012 to appreciate parents all over the world for their uncommon commitment to children’s upbringing.
The day, it was learnt, recognises that parents play very crucial roles in the lives of children. It encourages them to deal with issues affecting children in a manner consistent with the evolving capacities of every child. The day recognises that government and society have cut-out roles in rearing orphaned or abandoned children, since children can receive parental care from non-parents or relations.
In these emerging times, children are raised in ways different from what many parents in the past had known. Changes in cultures have brought unusual challenges that are entirely different from many used to know. And this is rubbing off on parenting. For instance, in the past, young parents received greater support from their own parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and even neighbours.
But nowadays, changes in the society are leading to increased feelings of detachment from extended family members and the community.
In some instances, family members live far away, grandparents are busy with their own occupations and other relatives are more often not there when needed, with the sense of community increasingly on the wane. Developments like these easily lead to significant loss of support for new parents.
According to a psychologist, John Rosemond, changes in technology and media have negatively affected parents’ ability to monitor and supervise their children’s activities, and the inability to properly supervise children has also contributed to parents’ loss of authority.
Social media has proved to have negative effects on parenting, as children now follow trends that mould their thinking and behaviour.
Rosemond further observed: “Parents tend to be controlling and involved in all activities of a child as they learn and grow.”
Baring her mind on what it now takes to raise children, Titi Gbadamosi, 54, a mother of three, said it has now become a huge challenge. She recalled that the way she was raised is entirely different from what obtains now.
She said, “When I had my daughter in the 1980s, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Just the thought of being responsible to another human being was a very indescribable moment for me as a woman. My mother moved into the house for almost eight months and was helping me look after my infant daughter. It was a little stressful for me, being my first time, but with the help of my mother, I was able to pull through.
“I wouldn’t say having kids back then was easier, but it was a lot better than raising kids now. I had my last born in 1997 and I can say that I’m raising her differently because of how our society and environment have evolved, especially in this digital era. I had to learn new skills and incorporate them into my parenting styles.”
While sharing her experience, Fadeke Adebari, 45, told the correspondent that the joy of seeing her children grow was, to her, the best part of parenting.
“I grew up with a single mum because I lost my dad at a young age. My mother would always beat my siblings and I for the slightest mistakes. I grew up with a lot of rules in my house.
“My husband and I have four kids. I remember when we were still in the United Kingdom and my daughter threatened to report me to the police or child support services if I beat her, I was very angry but I had to play smart; I spoke to my husband and we moved back to Nigeria, where I made sure that I straightened her and her siblings,” she said.
Another parent, Mr. Anthony Ojukwu, 63, spoke on the trials he and his wife faced raising their only daughter. He said one of the challenges was peer group influence because his child was the sociable type, she made a lot of decisions with her friends. “While trying to raise her the way we wanted, she would always say ‘my friend is doing it this way,’ so sometimes I would allow her have her way, although that choice might not be what we wanted,” he said.
For Mrs. Simone, 46, who described herself as a stay-at-home mum before her marriage ended, she somehow managed to raise three kids all by herself.
“Looking back at almost 20 years ago when my ex-husband left my kids and I for unknown reasons, things seemed overwhelming. I had to go back to school to get a degree when my last-born was barely a year old. I became a mother and father at the same time to my kids, even though we had male relatives to fill that role. It was a very dark time as I was judged by the society and friends,” she said. “I look at my kids and grandchild and thank God for them every day. I would go through the hard times again just to cater for the wellbeing of my kids.”
According to psychologist Laura Markham, single parents can bear the societal burden of being viewed as inadequate to take on the role of two parents.
“The children of single mothers or fathers comprehend the remarkable strength it takes to assume the role of both parents. They understand the undeniable and unexplainable bond with the parent who becomes all things to her children. They understand a debt and loyalty that is difficult to describe unless one has experienced it,” Markham said.
Biola Adeyemi, 22, grew up in a single-parent household with her mum.
She said: “Growing up with my mum, I had to learn how to be resourceful, selfless, independent and resilient at a very young age. I have a lot of friends raised by both parents but I didn’t see a lot of difference in our upbringing rather than the fact that I share a very intimate bond with my mum.”
Biola explained how growing up without a male figure to guide her had a lasting effect on her persona: “I have a lot of trust issues because, at seven, I had to experience my parents separate. My mum was the breadwinner of the family even before my dad left, so his departure didn’t make much difference back then.”
On her views about single parenting, she said: “I do not think I can do what my mum did as a single mum. Raising four children alone was very stressful for her. She had to deal with a lot of bills and some backlash. I had to learn a lot from the feminine perspective.”
Professor Nwachukwu said as time changes, so do parenting styles change. “Parents hardly beat their children nowadays; they have adopted other means of training a child like seizing their gadgets, as some kids are addicted to the social media. Some parents also ground the child (this is when the child is not able to visit anywhere else apart from school and home for a certain period).
“But parents now face challenges in raising children mostly in the adolescent stage, as children tend to grow rebellious at this stage,” he said.

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